The things the books don't tell you..

Since I got pregnant, I've read all kinds of books on pregnancy, the first year, you name it I probably read it ( or atleast looked at it lol). They were really helpful in alot of ways, it helped me feel more comfortable about becoming a first time mom for sure, I felt more prepared.

But the things the books don't tell you like how tired you're going to be, how hard it is to be a single mom & how many times you'll doubt yourself. They don't tell you that for 3 months ( and counting ) you're going to walk around in an exhausted haze worried all the time that you haven't done enough. They try to prepare you for things like feedings, colic, all kinds of issues that could creep up on you, and in a way they do. They help you know what to look for as much as a book can. They cannot however, tell you how devastating that little baby's cry will be to you on the nights when you've tried everything and nothing seems to work, when you bounce , you walk, you sing , you drive. They don't tell you that sometimes you just have to cry too. Sometimes you have to take a few minutes for some mommy time, because mommys need to cry too. Your hormones are off the charts, you're exhausted and overwhelmed, and you need to stop and breathe.

Just Breathe.

I have a totally new kind of respect for my mom, as well as everyone else's, especially single moms. I don't think you can ever really understand or appreciate all the sacrifices they make and all the worry they go through for you until you have a baby, and I'm just getting started....

My mom, my best friend.

To my Mother, the only person in this whole world I know I can always lean on. She is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. I've never met anyone like her and I doubt I ever will. She is an amazing person, someone I always have and will look up to. I couldn't ask for a better mom and friend. I hope one day my daughter will see me the way I see her. Since the moment I entered this world, You have cared for me like no other. There is only one way to describe you, That is in every way a perfect Mother. In the years you have watched me grow So many memories we can now replay. You've been there to love and protect me, From my birth to this very day. When there's a cloud covering my path, Or a problem I am about to face. You'll be the one wipe away my tears, And put everything back in its place. Your warm touch is one of a kind, So gentle to send me to sleep. Your voice is one of an angels, A beauty only you deserve to keep. The way you always make me smile And the way you play with my hair. When I need to talk, you'll put me first, So I know how much you care. The sun in you're heart will continue, To shine in the future in all you do. The most special person in my life by far, I'm happy to say is you

Dear Mom, I said a prayer for you to thank the Lord above For blessing me with a lifetime of your tenderhearted love. I thanked God for the caring you've shown me through the years, For the closeness we've enjoyed in time of laughter and of tears. And so, I thank you from the heart for all you've done for me And I bless the Lord for giving me the best mother there could be

You were there when we took our first steps,

And went unsteadily across the floor.

You pushed and prodded: encouraged and guided,

Until our steps took us out the door...

You worry now "Are they ok?"

Is there more you could have done?

As we walk the paths of our unknown

You wonder "Where have my children gone?"

Where we are is where you have led us,

With your special love you showed us a way,

To believe in ourselves and the decisions we make.

Taking on the challenge of life day-to-day.

And where we go you can be sure,

In spirit you shall never be alone.

For where you are is what matters most to us,

Because to us that will always be home...

My mother's heart is so tender
and her face has a gentle glow
She's my friend and my inspiration,
she's the sweetest mom I know.

She gives herself so freely
to those who share her life
She clearly loves her children
with the love that comes from Christ

Her eyes are full of compassion
her voice is soft and mild
She lives for helping others,
leaving "heartprints" all the while.

My mother's love is special
and grows sweeter with every year
God blessed me with an angel;
she's my precious mother, dear

A mother is someone who loves you
Who cares for you in every way
She sits down and listens
to what you have to say

She always thinks your beautiful
Never puts you down
She always has a smile
To wipe away your frown

A mother is someone who believes in you
Always pushes you to go far
Tells you to believe in yourself
No matter who you are

A mother is like an angel
Although without the wings
She tells you to enjoy
Life's most smallest things

I really love my mother
She means so much to me
Mommy I really love you
And that's how it always will be.

You were there when I got hurt
To kiss the pain away
And always made things better
So I could go and play

When I started school that first year
You walked with me every day
And helped me shed the fears I had
That my world had gone away

Every year as I grew older
And ventured out away from home
I knew you’d always be there
No matter how far I’d roam

The years have gone by so quickly
And things have changed for us all
But the love I still have for you Mom
Is the same love as when I was small

So far. .

Being a single mom is pretty much what I thought it would be - hard, tiring , and amazing with alot of worry mixed in. You can read all the books there are but you can only be prepared to a certain extent, even with someone to help you I'm sure. I really don't even know/remember what I did before Aislyn was here. It still surprises me you can love one little person so much.

I am worried about mom, I hate to see her sick and theres nothing I can do to make it better for her. Its an awful helpless feeling. We go to Duke in about 2 weeks, so we will know more then and hopefully they will be able to do something for her to give her some relief.

I am losing my appetite again, fast. I am worried now that I won't be able to breast feed as long as I'd hoped if this keeps up. I am going to try mothers milk and just keep taking my vitamins so hopefully everything will work out.

My little Paige is still here with us, I think for another week or so. I love having her here. She is growing up so fast, changing so much right in front of me. I just wish we could hang on to her innocence a little longer. She's still so young, just 9, but she seems to be changing into a preteen much too fast for me. I know they can't stay 5 forever, but wouldn't it be nice? Her hormones seem to be kicking her diabetes into overdrive. We all manage it the best way we know how but it's still something I worry about all the time - even though we've been doing this since she was 2 years old.

The baby is waking up! I will post again later when I get some time :)

Medicine medicine medicine...ugh!

We went back to the dr today, they changed her meds from Zantac to Nexium so we will see how this one works. Keep your fingers crossed for us. She also takes Colic Calm Gripe Water to help with gas/reflux,  it seems to really help with her tummy aches and reflux trouble. We tried regular gripe water first but you have to give more it and it didnt work as well for her as the colic calm, so the extra few dollars is definitely worth it for her to be comfortable and not have to take as much medicine through out the day.

We got more snow today! as soon as I can figure out how to put some pictures on here I will be posting LOTS of Aislyn of course, and some of the snow too :) Well the baby is waking up, I will try to post more when I get some free time

I also do not know why it says I am following myself, and I can't figure out how to get it off! help!!

Happy New Year!!

Aislyn will be 6 weeks old in 2 days. I can't believe she's already almost 2 months old . . She has acid reflux and is taking Zantac right now, we have had to change the dose once already and it seems to be helping a little but not enough. She is still taking Mylanta some during the day like the Dr. said but I don't like having to give it to her. If she has to be on meds I would rather her just have one that helps instead of one that helps some and another to pick up the slack in between. Its frustrating! I feel so helpless when she cries and I know shes full, and clean  & had her medicine . .all I can do is hold and rock her to try and comfort her.

 My mom is sick too, we are waiting to hear back from Duke so we know when she will be going there. We are going to find out if she has MS or MSA ( multiple system atrophy ). as bad as MS is, I am keeping my fingers crossed that thats what it is, compared to MSA , MS would be a blessing. I am so worried about her, and again I am helpless when it comes to making her feel better. If I could take all the hurt and sickness away from both of them I would.

My niece has been with us for a month now, we have to take her back home this weekend , she brought her tiny little toy shnauzer Amelia so its going to be a long drive lol. Paige is 9 and has juvenile diabetes, she got diagnosed at age 2 so we've just been doing our best to take care of her, you never stop learning about things like that, you can never do too much research & you'll never know all there is to know. She's a good girl, she loves Aislyn and she is good with her. I love her more all the time, she is smart, sweet, and a beautiful little girl. I'm glad Aislyn has her for a cousin.

Well the baby is waking up , back to my mommy duties. I will try to post more on here later or tomorrow :)

so here we are..

Lets start with this, My name is Katy and I'm a 21 year old single mom to a beautiful new baby girl named Aislyn Grace. She's wonderful and you will probably be hearing alot about her.

Aislyn is 5 weeks and 1 day old today. In one way it feels like I've had her forever, I can't even remember what I did before she came along - but in another way I still feel like my head is spinning and its so unreal. It's just hard for me to believe that I have a baby. I have a baby - even after being up every single night and day with her. Don't get me wrong , I love her more than I thought you could love anyone.. But its exhausting and overwhelming being a single mom. I have even more respect for my own mom - if thats possible.

My mom has also been amazing, not that thats anything new - she has always been amazing. But I've really needed her since Aislyn was born, before then really. I have lupus and fibromyalgia so I was sick before I got pregnant, but thats another story for another day. She is waking up, So I will work on this more tonight when I get her settled. :)